Sunday, October 2, 2011

I have a court case against the rapist in the Peace Corps country I served in. I always thought that as long as I wanted to keep going forward with my case, the Peace Corps would support me with legal support and cover my travel.

The Peace Corps just informed me that if my case does not go forward in my favor in the next step, the Peace Corps will no longer pay for my private lawyer. Their response was framed such as "In the United States, [the change from public prosecution to private prosecution (if the state does not take my case)] that would be equivalent to your case changing from a criminal case to a civil case." REALLY, PEACE CORPS??

Now, this issue has yet to come to pass, but the date a decision is made is approaching, and this (in my mind) threat by the Peace Corps to not support me-- hurts me, yet again.

And so it was, with this issue on the forefront of my mind, that I had a nightmare with the rapist in it last night. Then I woke up, and without recalling the nightmare at first, had intrusive memories of the two days I spent in the in-country Peace Corps medical office, crying all day. And the two nights the PCMO, B, booked me into a hotel room by myself, in the state I was in. How could she even think that was okay to do, even besides the booking me into a hotel room by myself being against current Peace Corps guidelines for responding to rape, which state, "Do not leave the Peace Corps Volunteer victim alone."

How can this be happening? All I wanted was to work in development work. All I wanted was to help people.

What happened instead was that I lost my faith in an organization I once extolled (as most Americans do), I lost my wish to work in developing communities (for the time being, at least), and I was failed by the organization I extolled and put my faith in in the first place.

At least I hope I am still helping people, by doing what I am doing to try to change the way the Peace Corps is currently.